The last few years of my life have really helped me grow and learn a lot about myself, but they have been the most difficult years of my life. I don't expect that to change. Especially around this time of year, it seems like this is when everything just starts to fall apart and try to break me. I've always thought everything happens for a good reason. But it turns out that everything just happens for a reason, good or bad.
These last few months have certainly been an experience. Through it all I've been working on this project, Strange Days. These days have been strange. These past years have been strange. This project is a grasp of what I've encountered over the past years, but it's specifically about the last months I've lived.
People my age deal with a lot. Everything we do has to be compared to our peers. Everything we do draws judgement from other people. It produces a mindset that nothing is ever good enough. So we're never satisfied. And it brings a lot of pressure. That pressure has gotten to me for awhile now. Eventually when you keep letting that happen it makes you fall into a state of depression. Depression brings fear, and all I've known recently is fear. Fear is not something that you can easily get over. When fear something, you try to avoid the confrontation as much as you can. If it's a fear of succeeding at something, you avoid trying. If it's a fear of losing someone, you do everything you can to prevent that from becoming a reality. Fear is our worst thoughts.
When I started writing for this project, I was in a pretty bad place mentally. I think my mental health may have been at its worst ever. The songs on this project are stories about going what I've been going through. I talk about my depression, my mom, losing someone I care about, among other things. As I'm writing this entry right now I'm still not fully out of that bad place, but I've definitely been worse. I want this EP to give a feeling that no matter what you go through or how bad you may feel about life or about yourself, it can get better. It may be a long time but it will get better. I'm still trying to learn that myself.
This project is certainly the most I've ever expressed myself through any format. It's been the most difficult stories and words I've had to write as I'm used to internalizing everything and hiding anything I go through. There's sort of a subtle idea in society that as a man it makes you weak when you talk about any of this. But I've seen a number of my friends and peers deal with depression and it's something that I feel like I need to talk about. Writing these songs have helped my sorrow. This project is not just for me. It's for my friends, it's for anyone going through what I go through.
Alongside this EP, I'm releasing a mini documentary where I talk about some specific situations I've gone through while making this project.
This project starts off with a very negative perspective of a person. But I'm aiming at giving off a feeling of hope; hope in yourself, in your career, in family, in love. The hardest part about life is life itself. You gain more wisdom through the strange days you live. Keep battling through those days and don't ever give up.
Strange Days Documentary drops in December.
Strange Days EP drops January 28th.